Healing From Narcissistic Relationships

Many people do not even realize that they have been in a relationship with a narcissist.

I am very grateful to be able to offer this program and healing system that has saved many of my clients and students worldwide from continuing to suffer the damaging effects and pain of narcissistic abuse. Narcissists are experts at making you feel like you are the crazy one. Further, many people do not realize that these types of relationships cause actual trauma to the emotional and physical body. Your relationship with a narcissist might have been with a parent, spouse, boss, friend or partner - or all of the above. 

The number of clients I have worked with to help heal from Narcissistic Abuse is high, as many people who seek life healing are also Empaths. There is a strong dynamic between empaths/highly sensitive people/light workers/compassionate people - and Narcissists. Empaths can struggle throughout life to create healthy boundaries for themselves, and may fall prey to the victim/martyr archetype, co-dependency, and chronic self-sacrifice. These patterns often arise in childhood when you are the child of a narcissist. That eventually translates into adult relationships where you are drawn to Narcissists because it mirrors your parent child relationships. 

Narcissists on the other hand hide behind an idealized image of themselves which can be a strong magnetic pull to an Empath, but which is hiding a persona that is manipulative, indifferent, and self-centered.

This healing program is not just one of recovery; but it is about THRIVING, finding your true worth, understanding that you actually have PTSD to heal from, and recognizing the pattern so you don't relive it in thee future.

In one of the most extreme cases I have ever worked with, I sat through two hours of a Narcissistic bully their partner, constantly: interrupting her while she spoke, invalidating her feelings, telling her she caused "him" so much pain, and that she is the crazy one.

These are the FOUR TRUTHS ABOUT NARCISSISTIC ABUSE:

Our narcissistic experience is a match for the wounds of our Inner Children. Most of our emotional programs were created before the age of 7 years old when we were operating in theta and alpha brainwave... the "hypnagogic state".

We absorbed all of the messages we received from our caregivers, and we didn't have the cognitive ability to work out if a particular message was right or wrong.It is the inner children that developed beliefs about conditional love.

Because we were raised by adults who had their own wounds (even if they had the best intentions), we were brought up with the false premise that we were loveable and acceptable for what we did or didn't do rather than knowing we were loveable simply for who we are.

Upon meeting the narcissist as an adult, we had not yet healed the inner child wounds. The narcissist appeared to be someone who unconditionally loved and accepted us and knew exactly how to make us feel approved of and whole.

This person instead of granting us our missing wholeness came in to our life to reflect back and rip our deep subconscious childhood wounds up to the surface, so that finally we could heal them.No matter how painful it is to face these wounds, it is vital to do so because if our sense of self is reliant on the narcissist for our wholeness, worthiness and approval, we hang on and fight to try to fix and change this person to provide the love and security that we crave. The result is we stay enmeshed, abused and hooked.

TRUTH NUMBER TWO:

We Create Mental Defenses Around Our Inner Wounds If They Are No Directly Healed

Because the narcissist ripped our deep subconscious wounds up to the surface, the emotional pain has become so bad that we can't ignore our wounds any more. Unfortunately we believe it will be easier to cover up our inner wounds and try to think our way out of the pain.  But if we don't go inwards to our own pain,  we disown our inner wounds. They remain unconscious and we stay embroiled in all the situations and with the people who will continue to wound us even more.

In order to recover from narcissistic abuse we have to go inwards and meet these wounds directly.

It is the only way.

TRUTH NUMBER THREE

Your Body Chemically Hooks You To Your Abuser

When an event happens in our life, our belief systems create a perception about that event. This then sends an electrical signal to our hypothalamus (in our brain) which produces the chemicals that match our perceptions. These chemicals, called peptides, are then distributed throughout our body. This creates the emotion that matches our perception about the event.

There is a peptide for anger, sadness, love, happiness and every emotion we experience.

When we experience an episode at the hand of an abuser that matches an already existing childhood wound, our brain triggers "powerlessness", "victimization", "worthlessness" and other fearful perceptions.

We literally regress to the emotional age of our original unhealed wounds.

The chemical production of unhealed wounds are in repeat, and the cells of your body are literally addicted to these painful emotions. If deceit, disloyalty, injustice, betrayal, abandonment or rejection and so forth are your inner wounds, your mind continually goes back to thinking about how the narcissist hurt you, and trying to work out why he or she did, and how he or she could be so cruel and unloving.

If your body has not received its peptide of choice for a while, it holds back a small amount of that peptide and releases it into your blood stream, which than travels to your brain and triggers your brain neurons to think about the injustice and betrayal again. This then sends the signal to the hypothalamus to manufacture more of the peptide, and the painful peptide addiction cycle continues.

This is why when you are in the middle of narcissistic abuse, no matter how much going over and over the events keep hurting you, you can't stop obsessing about the traumatic things that took place. You keep going back to the pain, powerlessness and victimization – because your body is physiologically hooked on receiving more of those painful peptides.

Even if you have managed to break all communication with your abuser – until you break this chemical cycle, you may find it impossible to get on with your life.

TRUTH NUMBER FOUR

You Can’t Think or Talk Your Way Out of Emotional Trauma

When you are receiving large rushes of painful emotions your brain is triggered into survival mode (also known as high-range beta brainwave function). In this frequency you are disconnected from the evolved and wise part of your brain and instead you are acting from the brain's primitive centre.

This is why your mind is continually coming up with thoughts of helplessness, hopelessness, betrayal, trauma, fear, longing, neediness, panic and excuses which are selling you out to continue hanging on to hope, re-connecting with the narcissist, obsessing about the narcissist, and coming up with ideas such as "I need you to be accountable," "Maybe it really IS me and not him/her," or "If only I do THIS, maybe it can work".

This is why you may be making impulsive decisions that create more pain for yourself, even though deep down you know better.

Every time you try to use your mind to get out of the pain and stay away from the narcissist, it will find a way to keep going back for more – because of the painful peptide addiction.

The truth is this: You CAN'T heal the problem logically.

It is impossible to think your way out of extreme emotional pain because your brain can ONLY operate within the range of the painful chemicals of trauma, no matter how intelligent you know you are.

You may think you are losing your mind, but truly your body has grabbed control of your brain. It is a physiological phenomenon that can't be controlled by "thinking". It isn't until you start addressing the inner wounds and breaking the peptide addiction cycle that the body trauma chemicals will recede ... and THEN your brain naturally follows.

The issues of pain in the cells of the body (where the trauma is really going on) can't be released with the use of our mind. That it is a losing battle because the body (the emotions) is the master, while the brain (thoughts) is the servant. We need to address the pain in our body, and then our thinking will automatically change as well.