WHAT EXACTLY IS THE FATHER WOUND?
Similar to Mother Wounds, Father Wounds are traumas that are passed down from generation to generation and have a profound impact on our lives. Father Wounds can show up in many ways in your life including low self-worth, attention and validation seeking, issues with material security and abundance, codependency with partners, and much more.
The Father Wound is another casualty of the patriarchy that has been on our planet for over 3500 years now. It has affected you, your father, your grandfather, your great grandfather, and many generations before that.
Fathers who are unconditionally loving, are present (both physically and emotionally), they model empowerment, strength, protection and stability, along with emotional support, compassionate listening and grounded guidance.
Those are the traits that represent our Divine Father, the Divine Masculine. But just like Mother Wound, Father Wound exists because most men are not able to father their children in that way.
THE FATHER WOUND EPIDEMIC
Father Wound affects both daughters and sons. While the patriarchy oppresses women, it puts enormous pressure on men to be financially successful, great providers, gentle and loving and emotional when needed, powerful and strong and protective when needed, and to be the rock of the family. Most men do not receive that as role modeling, so they are unable to step into fatherhood in its most evolved and loving form. They are "launched" into an impotent adulthood. For both sons and daughters, Father Wound has a profound impact on the long-term happiness of your most intimate relationships, your ability to father your own children and for women, the way we mother our sons is affected greatly by Father Wound.
Just like our mothers, our fathers too, for the most part, have been unable to love THEMSELVES unconditionally. If they were unable to love themselves unconditionally, it is not possible for them to love their children unconditionally - even among the most loving and kind of fathers. We simply cannot give what we do not have.
Given that Mother Wound is the core wound on the planet, Father Wound is its counterpart. In the patriarchal paradigms we have been suffering under, there is extensive harm to both men and women from the lack of balanced powerful Divine Masculine parenting. The majority of people, even those with "good" fathers, did not receive unconditional love from their father. Very few males are perfectly balanced between their masculine and feminine energies, (no different than females) capable of giving both unconditional love as well as a powerful modeling of abundance and prosperity. Under the current paradigm, many fathers embody emotional distance, patriarchal beliefs of their daughter's sexuality, selfishness, anger, or indifference.
Father Wound Affects Both Women and Men
The failure to experience unconditional love and support from the father results in unresolved sadness, anger, weakness in confidence and anxiety or mistrust that can emerge at any life stage. It also makes intimate relationships difficult. Women with father wound frequently seek validation and approval from men. They may find it hard to be alone, without a relationship. They often enter into relationships with men that are emotionally or physically abusive, or both. Or, they are in relationships with men who are so out of touch with their own deep well of emotion, that they cannot "handle" emotional components of deep intimate relationships.
Another serious manifestation of Father Wound is that many women feel they need men to financially support them. And, given our cultural acceptance of this, many women never access their deepest gifts. Abundance and prosperity comes in through the Father Line, and thus many women believe that they need to have a husband who earns money in order to have great amounts of wealth and prosperity.
This also affects men too, as men with father wound have a much harder time finding true wealth and prosperity. When they do, it is often at the expense of their warmth, connection and love of their families. The quintessential successful business man who is a workaholic and emotionally or physically unavailable. Of course the opposite may be true as well. Women who saw a disempowered father, may become an overbearing wife who takes control and emasculates her husband.
How Father Wound Shows Up
Father Wound shows up in many different ways, from the father who was always there in a non-divorced family, to a divorced family where the father was mostly absent, to a father that was never in the picture, and everything in between. Of course adoption, death and many other issues including alcoholism, physical or sexual abuse, or drug use present specific challenges within Father Wound.
However, even where a father is home, together with mom, and doing the best he can, his inability to access his full Male Divine Potential has a dramatic impact on all children.
The way that your father treated your mother has a huge impact on your relationships with the opposite sex, and if you are a parent, your relationship with your children.
Many people grew up with fathers who came home after work, but were never really active as positive guides of their children's lives. These fathers provided for their children's material needs, but they were absent when the time came to deal with love and heart issues, including intimacy and connection. Fathers like this may have been available to coach your sports teams, but were not likely to model intimacy in relationships, or to be an active presence during the emotional ups and downs of adolescence and teen years.
SOME IMPORTANT QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF
Did your father cheat on your mother? Or watch pornography?
Did your father disrespect your mother, call her derogatory names?
Was your father a bully? Angry? Authoritarian?
Was there true balance in the home, or was dad the "head" of the household? Were his opinions valued more than your mother's?
Did you father have an expectation that mom's job was to cook and clean?
Was your father disrespectful towards women? Did he comment on their bodies in front of you or others? Did he comment about your body or the clothes you wore?
Did your father exude patriarchal beliefs by limiting your sexuality, or try to intimidate your boyfriends?
Was your father able to cry in front of you, showing his emotional vulnerability?
Was your father a good provider, financially? Did he work too much?
Was your father emotionally distant?
Did your father physically ever hit you? Did you ever fear your father?
Did your father make himself available to your mother and your siblings at all times, as a stable emotional supportive presence?
Was your father a narcissist?
Did your father leave most of the household responsibilities, including child-rearing, up to your mother?
Did your father ever raise his voice, or his hand, to your mother?
“I am re listening to father wound session 2 today because it allowed me to purge so much the first time. It was hard to listen to because it hurt. It went into places I’ve been avoiding and not looking at because I do not want to feel that uncomfortable pain. I didn’t want to know what I already knew. I didn’t want it to be brought up. I grieve for my inner children. And I hurt for my own kids because I have wounded them in SO many ways. Once the emotional wave stopped, I felt so happy that now I understand why I have behaved in so many harmful ways to myself and children and why I thought so many harmful negative thoughts about myself. And after that thought, I was so happy to know that I am healing this. It’s really amazing how much healing I’ve done so far. I can see it in my every day life and that in itself is amazing. Thank you Liana, for lovingly slapping me in the face with truth!”