Amanda Fraden
For as long as I can remember, my life has been filled with stress, worry and fear. So much fear. Fear of judgement, failure, abandonment, even fear of being too great and overshadowing others. I was raised to be a “good” kid. Not stepping on other’s toes, making everyone else feel great about themselves while I played coy and learned to morph myself into the person and image everyone wanted. My internal fears along with the external positive feedback from others when I did anything “impressive” fueled my overachieving, perfectionist ways.
On the outside looking in, friends and family thought I had it all together. I was the “perfect” (daughter, friend, student, classmate, coworker, partner, artist, etc). Even I believed it when I was around others. I was “perfect” in exchange for love, validation, and acceptance. I knew if I made everyone “proud”, I would feel less alone and more safe and secure in this world. When I was by myself I was an overthinker often pondering worst case scenarios, wondering what so-and-so thought of me, worrying about my parent’s health, etc. I would spiral, often leading to mental exhaustion, depression and occasionally suicidal thoughts questioning what my purpose truly was on this Earth.
I went from self-help book to self-help book, reading, learning, implementing what I’d learn and it would help me for a few months. But after the initial novelty of the exercise or new way of thinking, I would revert back to my old tendencies of negative thought patterns, perfectionism or just feeling uncomfortable with who I was. Deep down I knew that I had abandoned my authentic, “imperfect” self long ago.
It’s an incredibly empty feeling to realize you’ve become a shell of yourself. Of who you were meant to be. I would often feel broken, defective, unwanted, looking for anything to help bring myself back to life. To feel that childlike joy and passion for life. Genuinely. I just wanted to feel good again but on the inside.
In 2021, I was at a very weak and low point. Splitting my attention & energy, trying to be too many things to too many people. During this time was when I found Liana Shanti “randomly” on instagram. (I put the quotes around ‘randomly’ because nothing is random). I read a few of her posts and something deep within me resonated with her. I could tell she spoke truth like no one I had ever come across. There was no agenda, no ego. There were barely even photos of her and no videos. All audio. I was so intrigued. Despite her posts triggering me and my ego at times, I stayed on her page. The more I listened and read, the more resonance I felt within my body. This is how you know there is Truth there.
(At the time, 2 things in particular triggered me: her stance on tarot cards and whenever she mentioned Jesus. Tarot at the time gave me a false sense of security that I was “on the right path”. I soon realized how dark and deceptive tarot is (ie astral plane interference from entities/demonic sources) and stopped immediately after finding Liana. The divine does not need to communicate with you through cards or any instruments for that matter. True guidance is received within as you heal.
I was also triggered because she mentioned Jesus. When anyone mentioned Jesus to me prior, I would roll my eyes. I had a connection to the universe that I could feel and resonated with being “spiritual”. But to include Jesus in that felt like religion and I had grown so weary of religion. It took me many months to go from mainly asking for guidance from my higher self/guides to asking Jesus directly and meaning it. It also took life experience, synchronicities and FEELING His unconditional love and powerful protection to realize ok…Jesus is actually real and He is looking after me and has been my whole life even when I didn’t realize or “believe” in Him. That realization alone brought tears to my eyes. Still does. He is different than the Jesus of religion. He is a fierce protector and warrior of light who is unconditionally loving, timely and brings Truth to the surface always.)
Since finding Liana and more of her teachings, I’ve watched as my own Lifeproof has unfolded.
Life feels and is so much more beautiful. Even during long, tiring days I’m able to find gratitude, love, peace and joy that eluded me before.
Liana, finding you has been the miracle of my life.
There are no words. Truly.
What do you say to someone who led you back to Jesus against all odds?
Who uses their personal time here on Earth (when time is finite and she doesn’t have to do ANY of this) to teach and guide others to heal their wounds and genuinely love themselves?
Thank you.
With every cell in my body, thank you.
I’ve worn a mask I wasn’t fully conscious of before you. Now I’m learning how to take it off lovingly piece by piece.