Leilani Kilikina @leilanikdesign
My parents never really believed in my dreams or my gifts. They never believed in my ability to be successful at doing what I love. This is very common and many who come from a South Asian background are often given 3 career choices: Doctor, Lawyer or Engineer. Yes, GIVEN. Not asked! There is no fourth option. For the parents, it is a concept of prestige and something they can show off to their society.
Whenever someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would always say either a dancer or an artist. I didn’t know what that meant in my younger years, but all I knew is that I wanted to create and flow with the Divine.
But what I wanted was discounted at every moment by my parents because it didn’t meet the version of me they had created. The version which would make me a good candidate for a marriage proposal and bring them honor in society. However, it was always under the false pretense of, “we want you to have a good career so you can support yourself”. And I believed it.
But what really qualifies as a good career?
Success? Money? Prestige?
I told my parents I wanted to be a dancer because I was really good. I had been dancing since the age of 2 and could come up with choreography on the spot. I was a gifted dancer. However, my dad’s response was “girls in our household don’t dance because it is not honorable and will bring shame to our family name.” I let that dream go because I didn’t want to bring shame to the family. Those words always caused me a lot of heartache even into my adult years. A regret I carried with me up until very recently. Guilt I held on to for letting myself down.
The other thing I wanted to be was an artist. I loved to draw, to paint, to color, to sculpt – as far back as I can remember. This was another area I was very gifted in. Art class was always my absolute favorite period. We moved every year from grade 4 up to grade 9, and each year I was lucky enough to be blessed with the best art teachers.
Painting and pottery were what I loved the most! It was a version of dance for me. As the paintbrush and my hands danced on these mediums, I created magic.
Unfortunately, being an artist was unacceptable to my parents as well. They wanted me to be a doctor, and I couldn’t imagine myself in school for that long so we settled on a career in Pharmacy. This was acceptable because my cousin was a respected Pharmacist and earning good money. That’s all that mattered to them. Why? It made me a good candidate for a marriage proposal and brought them honor in society.
So I gave up my other true passion - art.
I stopped taking art as my high school electives and instead added science and math to be able to get into the desired program of their choice. By the end of university, I had learned to speak up a little bit more for my needs so I told my parents I will do anything else in the medical field, but not pharmacy. The thought of it nauseated me for some reason.
So after graduating with a Baccalaureate Honors degree with a double major in Biology and Chemistry, I convinced them to let me take a year off. Eventually, I pursued a career in Respiratory Therapy because it met my parents expectation of me working in health care and it paid very well. Also, it maintained their honorable image.
However, I was constantly surrounded by death. Every single day. My role consisted of having to remove patients from life support and watch them pass. It was extremely painful to witness and something that was a part of my life every shift I worked. I began to dissociate from reality to be able to survive them. I ate shitty food. I drank. I started seeing these human beings with a life lived as nothing more than objects to be able to not feel the pain I felt. Eventually, the life I had lived up to that point made me sick enough where I had to stop working completely.
For the past 3+ years of my illness, I suffered to an extreme in all areas of my life – mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Drowning myself in feelings of unworthiness, and with a deteriorating quality of life.
Being led to Liana Robert was a Divine intervention, not just for finding love for myself again, but also for being reminded of the gifts I sacrificed. Gifts that I knew I was here to bring into the world, but stripped myself away from in order to keep any shame from coming to my family.
Working with Liana through her programs reminded me that that I can be more than just a sick person and do what I truly love. That I don’t have to play small.
LIANA BELIEVED IN ME!
She believed in my gifts!
She believed in my ability to be and do what I want!
SHE BECAME MY BIGGEST CHEERLEADER.
In May of this year, I joined her 12D Business School. And in less than 3 months, I have a business doing exactly what I love and so much more. I am working with the best soulful entrepreneurs in the world (this is not an exaggeration) designing intuitive logos and brand identities for their businesses. I am creating stickers. And now, I am branching out into selling my paintings within the next week.
I recently messaged Liana asking her to pinch me, because I cannot believe this is my life. In less than 3 months of joining her business school, so many of my dreams have come true. Dreams I had stopped having because they seemed impossible to accomplish. They had always been possible, I just let go of my true self along the way. She guided and helped me to reconnect with my child-like self.
My joyous, creative, dreamer self.
Liana, if it wasn’t for you, your unconditional love, and your teachings, I would not be here.
There is a reason I call you the GREATEST TEACHER in the world. Everything I’ve learned from you has allowed me to alchemize my life into the life of my dreams. Doing what I love, where I love and how I love. As my cup continues to overflow with gratitude and love for you, THANK YOU for being here on this path. THANK YOU for loving me unconditionally. THANK YOU for having me as your student.
Forever your student,
Leilani Kilikina